Children on the internet; scary or something to "like"?

I found this quote in one of my favorite weblogs; 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle

…..It reminded me of a story a girlfriend told me about her teenage daughters having an argument over a shared photo on Facebook.

“I posted my photo and you didn’t like it” One announced to the other at the dinner table.

“But I do like it?”

“Yes but you haven’t like liked it”…..

At my house we have discussions about topics like:

What do you share with whom and how many likes are you supposed to give.

When is a like enough or should you give a comment

Can you give too many comments...

But we also have discussions like this:

… Me: shouldn't you be doing your homework?

Child: Yes but I am waiting for X to give me his stuff.

Me: OK did you ask him already?

Child: Yes several times but he is not online and now I am waiting for two hours already.

Me: ??? Why don't you call him?

Child:  Call?? MUM!! That is just impossible. Nobody answers his phone.

Parents ask me questions about:

How many hours behind ‘a screen’ are normal

How can I prevent my child from posting pictures that are not appropriate

What is Internet- or Cyber- bullying and how can I protect my child

What are normal internet-rules

The world has changed. Besides our world that we as parents knew and felt confident with exists another world. The world of internet. Although this other world is very much interwoven with our old one it is quite different. And although most of us are very well able to find our way trough facebook, twitter, snapchat and instagram we will never be as familiar with it as our children will be. The internetworld is the world of our children. They are growing up with it and it is our job to help them finding their way. But because we don’t feel completely familiar with it we are insecure.

Basically raising your child with internet is not very different from raising them without it. All the values you feel are important still apply for your child on internet.

·               If you teach your children never to talk to strangers they will have to ask you if
          they can become ‘friends’ with people they don’t know.

·               If you teach your child never to leave the door unlocked or give his key to
          strangers he is not allowed to give passwords to people he doesn’t know.

·               If your child is not allowed to drink alcohol before his 18^th birthday he is not
          allowed to play games for ages 14, 16 or 18 when he is 10.

·               If the rule is a maximum of three hours screen time than all screens will have to be
          switched off after three hours. If this doesn’t work shutting down WiFi will help.

·               For teens it can be helpful to see how much time multitasking will ‘cost’ them.
          Every ‘bleep’ from a comment or message will cost them 10 minutes.

Make your child aware of the dangers. Let him imagine himself standing in the middle of a football stadium. Does he really want all those people (and more) to see him like that for the rest of his life?

Your children will know all the possibilities of photoshopping. Tell them others can do that to their photo’s too. Discuss which photo’s you are going to put on Facebook and which ones not and why. Listen to your child’s thoughts about this. You will learn a lot from how he is thinking about the internet. On the other hand respect your children’s feelings. Some teens will not be very happy when you put a baby photo on Facebook.   

The key words seem to be; normal house rules apply. Parents stand beside your children and be really interested in their world. If you don’t know things just ask them, play games with your child, download apps they use and play with them to see how they work. Ask your children without judging them all you want to know and they will explain to you what you don’t understand. Show your children that you trust them and that you will expect them to behave on the internet like in real life (like you have learnt them).

If all the normal things don’t work; set rules. If they don’t work; set stricter rules and be very clear about the consequences (some children just need that). Be sure you will be able to execute these consequences, even for a longer period of time. If that doesn’t work: ask for advice from a professional.